If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
