he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
