Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
