I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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