So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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