She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
