Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
