Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize