My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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