you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
