Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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