there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
