don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
