Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize