i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
