my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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