Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
