Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
