Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
