I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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