this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
