dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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