he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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