Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
