i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
