I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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