My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A+ Viking dick
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize