K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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