Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
