I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
