is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
