Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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