too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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