Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
