I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A+ Viking dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
