he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
