I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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