Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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