How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
