the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
