And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
