It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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