Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
