absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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