I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
