ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There r osticjed everywhere
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want nice things and good sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
