I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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