You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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