I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
