Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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