I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize