Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
