The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
