My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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