is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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