For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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