I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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