Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
