I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
