In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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