She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
