how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
