Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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