My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
