True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
