haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
