Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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