that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
