Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
