i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
