i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize