nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
