On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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