So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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