I will die if light touches me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
