My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize