guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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