I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
