I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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