cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
