After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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