Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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