I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
