if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're a waste of cheezeits
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
