Your dad touched me again.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
